Understanding Conflict in Relationships
In my work with couples, I also incorporate insights from Dr. Esther Perel, who highlights three main categories of recognition that reveal what couples are truly fighting for:
- Power and Control: "Whose priorities matter more?"
- Care and Closeness: "Who can I trust, and will you have my back?"
- Respect and Recognition: "Do I matter, and do you value me?"
Dr. Perel emphasizes that “partnerships will always fluctuate between harmony, disharmony, and repair.” It is through reconnection that trust is rebuilt; often, a rupture precedes restoration, contrary to common assumptions. As human beings, we thrive on meaning, respect, and recognition—"Am I valued, and do I matter to you?"
Exploring Desire and Individual Growth
We will also explore the natural ebb and flow of desire within relationships. It is crucial to understand that a healthy partnership allows space for individual growth and outside interests. Relying solely on your partner for complete fulfillment can lead to imbalance and dissatisfaction.
I offer premarital couples counseling at half rate since I feel strongly that every young and engaged couple should have the opportunity to experience excellent therapy before embarking on a life with another soul.
Try and just imagine doing ‘inner child’ work with your partner present! It can truly be one of the most healing experiences you can have with your partner. Sharing ourselves in our pain can make for a deeply connected union (i see you, i get you) and that is what intimacy is all about. We all just want someone who will see us as we want to be seen, and as who we really are.